partner with your kids - let them learn the meaning of partnership from YOU and not from kids in school or anyone else

teach the child to recognize his voice within - his spirit, his intuition - and he can only hear that when he has quiet time --- in other words teach meditation early on

know your family values -- and determine how those values are shared with your kids and how they are articulated to them

kids dont need a lot of time, they need quality time --- and to prepare for that quality time, you have got to "exhale" before you spend time with them -- find ways to exhale before you see and bond with your kid

journal what your kids say when they are younger and that will help you help them figure out their purpose in life --- give them the freedom to express themselves

we parents are role models --- be real and be honest and be loving - spend quality time with your kids, connect with your kids~

form a partnership with your kids --- you cant say "we know what we are doing, just listen, you dont know anything" --- kids are pure and know more than we do; everything we know is based on how we are programmed by society and parents --- and we should learn from kids' unbiased look at the world and life

Alternative to Punishment #4: Offer an Alternative

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Alternative to Punishment #4: Offer an Alternative
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One very effective alternative to punishment that helps boost your
child's self-esteem is to offer an alternative. It's important to remember
that your child wants to explore the world, and they need space in
order to do that.

But at the same time you don't want a mess everywhere, so
here's a great way to create a "win-win" situation for you and your
child.

If your toddler is exploring the effects of gravity by pouring milk on the
floor, before you react like the house is on fire, first take a moment.
Evaluate the situation and think about offering your child an alternative.

Water in the sink would be one alternative,
playing outside with the hose would be another.

There's no point in punishing your child with harsh words, which
only fosters low self-esteem. Instead there are many alternatives.

We know that non-reaction can be a real challenge. As parents, we
are usually over-worked and under-rested — so we can often find
ourselves faced with these situations when cleaning up milk off the
floor is the last thing we want to do. I go into this in detail in
my 7 week online program Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting


Let's use some examples of alternatives:

-When your child wants to play ball in the house
and they knock something over. Instead of punishing
or yelling, first cool yourself down and then ask them to go outside.

-When your child wants to climb on the furniture.
Prop some pillows up with an old mattress instead.
Or encourage them to climb in the trees.

-When your child wants to pull on the cat's tail,
see if they want to play tug of war instead.

-When your child starts mushing their food around,
put them at the sink with water and toys.

The thing to remember is that if your child has an idea that
you don't like, they don't need to be reprimanded for it.
Often times their ideas come from a sincere desire to learn and
explore the world. If you punish them for this, you will teach
them to be less confident, less independent, and harm their
natural sense of self-esteem.

By talking to them in a respectful and mature way, you will
not only foster their confidence and self-esteem, but you will
also teach them to talk to you in a respectful and mature way.
Since children model what you do.

By getting upset at them, they feel bad about themselves
and act out later. It becomes a vicious cycle.

An alternative is an excellent way to treat your child with respect
and at the same time allows them to be part of the decision making
process. If one alternative doesn't work for them offer another.

This has happened countless times with our son. I offer
him one thing and he says no, I get frustrated, but keep my cool and
offer him another. Then he happily agrees. He's waiting for
something that's closer to the learning he needs to do.

For example, he's trying to hammer a nail in to the floor,
I offer him some wood and he isn't interested. I then offer
him Styrofoam and he's excited and ready to work.

Try this the next time your child does something you don't want them to:

First, EVALUATE the situation and think of an alternative.
Refrain from getting upset at your child and just offer them something else
right away. Make it clear in your tone of voice, and in a loving manner,
that they need to select an alternative because their present actions aren't
acceptable for you.

Try this out a few times over the next week and notice how your child behaves differently...

To review the Alternatives to Punishment that you've learned so far:
First you learned how to "PREVENT" unecessary stressful events
with your child by taking a few steps in advance.

Next you learned how to "EVALUATE" the situation before you react,
so you can start responding in a way that helps your child dissolve
their undesirable behavior.

The third alternative you learned was to "ASK A QUESTION,"
in order to get a better understanding of your child's behavior.

And this week you learned about "OFFERING AN ALTERNATIVE,"
which allows you to redirect your child, away from actions that
stress you or cause a mess, without harming your child's self-esteem.

Now you can offer them something that allows it to be a win-win for both of you. Conflict free.

Next week you'll discover alternative #5: EXPRESS HOW YOU FEEL

When you get it, you'll find out:

* One surefire technique to elicit your child's cooperation almost every time.
* How to express your feelings without guilt, anger or yelling.
* Why letting your child say "no" can reduce their chances of becoming a juvenile
delinquent by as much as 90%. (learn the correct formula)
* An amazingly simple game you can play with your child that's fun while at
the same time boost their self-esteem in a BIG way.
* How a strong self-esteem helps kids withstand peer pressure.

Here's to your happy child!

Love,

Busy Mom Ashley
Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting
An Essential 7 Week Course for Busy Moms!

Alternative to Punishment #3: Ask a Question

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Alternative to Punishment #3: Ask a Question
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It's critical to always ask questions to get clear on your child's motives.
I will use a real-life example to demonstrate.
But you want to frame your questions in the way that will help you provide
the solution to your child's problem.

So if your child is lacking affection - you can ask a question like:
"do you want mommy to just hold you?"

If your child responds positively, then this question addresses their true needs.

Here's a story where we can use a different type of question...

My son was scratching paint off the wall with a spoon and I asked the question:
"What are you doing?"

Instead of immediately jumping to a conclusion, I asked a question.
In this way I'm able to quickly discover why my son was doing that
in order to provide a better solution so as to prevent it from happening
again.

By asking and listening I'm gaining vital information
about my son as well as myself.

So, after asking my son what he was doing
when he was scratching paint off the wall...
He looked at me as if he couldn't believe I
was asking such a ridiculous question, and said:

"I'm taking the snow off my spaceship."

Now my first thought was he was trying to drive me nuts.
But when I saw that he really truly believed with all his heart
in what he was doing, I understood him better. I was better able to
empathize and in turn not react in an "old way".

When I understood the situation I could then explain to him that I
don't want paint coming off the wall but would be happy to provide
something else to do of a similar nature.

Things that seem absurd to us can be perfectly normal to our
children. Their doing something that makes sense to them, but
it may not always make sense to us.

So instead of just assuming that your child is purposely making a
mess, or bothering you, stop and ask a question first.

You may be surprised at what they tell you and gain a better
understanding of their motives. Children have wild and vivid
imaginations. The more we understand and respect our child,
the more they will respect us, and in turn become more cooperative.

I've seen this work for countless of families who've used this approach.
The more children are given space and respect, the more they want to help out.

Here's another good example of when I asked a question....

We were at a restaurant with my son. And like most children,
he sometimes doesn't eat his vegetables. At the table he took the
soy sauce and poured some in his water..

"oh oh!" I thought "this could get messy..."

But before reacting, I evaluated the situation and observed...
Then I could see that he was going to pour his water in his
food bowl...
I was considering objecting and offering him an alternative,
but instead I asked him what he was doing...

He then told me he was enjoying his broccoli in a "certain way".
By dipping it in the soy sauce water and eating it. It wasn't an
appetizing recipe for myself...

But he was happy eating his vegetables that way
- so who am I to try and stop him?

Try it for yourself and see. If you start asking questions
instead of jumping to conclusions you will notice a
marked difference in your child.

Try this the next time your child does something that upsets you...

First empathize with your child and practice "non-reaction."
Then ask them what they're doing.
Once they tell you what they are up to,
try to understand what they are doing from their point of view.
From here you can offer them something else to do
(which we will talk about in great detail next week).

Also, pay close attention to see if they act differently.

What if my child is too young, or doesn't answer me?

If your child is four or under,
here's something handy to keep in mind...
Everything your child does is out of pure innocence and zest.
They are not doing it to upset you.
They may try to get your attention by defying you if
they need your attention,
but they are not deliberately trying to hurt you.

What if my child ignores me?

If your child blatantly ignores you
or doesn't want to speak with
you about what they are doing, that's ok.

Ask them again and explain to them what's going on for you.

"Mommy is wondering what you're doing,
and I'm concerned about the paint on the carpet.
Could you tell me what your idea is so
that I can better understand and help you."

You see, most children are used to being punished,
so they will hide what they are doing at all costs.
So if you have punished your child before, it may
take some time to get your child to openly communicate
with you without being afraid of the punishment.

If you want to have a cooperative and respectful relationship with
your child, you need to teach your child that it's safe for them to be
open and honest with you, even when they make mistakes.
This is covered more in detail in my 7 week program:
The Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting


They need to know it's safe to trust you. So have patience
while you practice this with your child, and be persistent. Let
them know that they can trust you and that you want to
understand them.

Remember, authoritarian punishment may make the child "behave"
in the short term, but the long term effects of this may backfire.

Here's what research has discovered:

"Children from Authoritarian parenting lack social competence as
the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of
allowing the child to choose by him or herself. The children
also rarely take initiatives. They are socially withdrawn and look
to others to decide what's right. These children lack spontaneity
and lack curiosity."

"These children are often the most vulnerable to enter into
relationships with or marry equally abusive and controlling
partners or develop mental illness when they enter adulthood.
(Although arguably this may be genetic as mental illness sometimes
might be the reason behind some of the more extreme cases of
authoritarian parents.)"

"On the opposite side of the spectrum some children might also
rebel by openly defying the parents by leaving home at a younger
age, partaking in drugs, alcohol, and sexual behavior at a much
younger age than some of their peers as well, dating and/or
marrying a partner whom they know their parents would disapprove
of, and often might be estranged from their parents during
adulthood."

I hope you found this alternative to punishment useful.

RSA Animate - The Empathic Civilisation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g

very inspiring article i found about meditation in schools called Quiet Time

http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/openforum/article/Meditation-transforms-roughest-San-Francisco-5136942.php

At first glance, Quiet Time - a stress reduction strategy used in several San Francisco middle and high schools, as well as in scattered schools around the Bay Area - looks like something out of the om-chanting 1960s. Twice daily, a gong sounds in the classroom and rowdy adolescents, who normally can't sit still for 10 seconds, shut their eyes and try to clear their minds. I've spent lots of time in urban schools and have never seen anything like it.
This practice - meditation rebranded - deserves serious attention from parents and policymakers. An impressive array of studies shows that integrating meditation into a school's daily routine can markedly improve the lives of students. If San Francisco schools Superintendent Richard Carranza has his way, Quiet Time could well spread citywide.
What's happening at Visitacion Valley Middle School, which in 2007 became the first public school nationwide to adopt the program, shows why the superintendent is so enthusiastic. In this neighborhood, gunfire is as common as birdsong - nine shootings have been recorded in the past month - and most students know someone who's been shot or did the shooting. Murders are so frequent that the school employs a full-time grief counselor.
In years past, these students were largely out of control, frequently fighting in the corridors, scrawling graffiti on the walls and cursing their teachers. Absenteeism rates were among the city's highest and so were suspensions. Worn-down teachers routinely called in sick.
Unsurprisingly, academics suffered. The school tried everything, from counseling and peer support to after-school tutoring and sports, but to disappointingly little effect.
Now these students are doing light-years better. In the first year of Quiet Time, the number of suspensions fell by 45 percent. Within four years, the suspension rate was among the lowest in the city. Daily attendance rates climbed to 98 percent, well above the citywide average. Grade point averages improved markedly. About 20 percent of graduates are admitted to Lowell High School - before Quiet Time, getting any students into this elite high school was a rarity. Remarkably, in the annual California Healthy Kids Survey, these middle school youngsters recorded the highest happiness levels in San Francisco.
Reports are similarly positive in the three other schools that have adopted Quiet Time. AtBurton High School, for instance, students in the program report significantly less stress and depression, and greater self-esteem, than nonparticipants. With stress levels down, achievement has markedly improved, particularly among students who have been doing worst academically. Grades rose dramatically, compared with those who weren't in the program.
On the California Achievement Test, twice as many students in Quiet Time schools have become proficient in English, compared with students in similar schools where the program doesn't exist, and the gap is even bigger in math. Teachers report they're less emotionally exhausted and more resilient.
"The research is showing big effects on students' performance," says Superintendent Carranza. "Our new accountability standards, which we're developing in tandem with the other big California districts, emphasize the importance of social-emotional factors in improving kids' lives, not just academics. That's where Quiet Time can have a major impact, and I'd like to see it expand well beyond a handful of schools."
While Quiet Time is no panacea, it's a game-changer for many students who otherwise might have become dropouts. That's reason enough to make meditation a school staple, and not just in San Francisco.
David L. Kirp, a professor of public policy at UC Berkeley, is the author of "Improbable Scholars: The Rebirth of a Great American School District and a Strategy for America's Schools."

Waldorf Education

I chanced upon the Waldorf Education in the book that I am reading and I want to share it with you.

http://www.whywaldorfworks.org/02_W_Education/index.asp
http://www.prairiehillwaldorf.org/

Essentially it is like home away from home schooling.
The teacher moves with the children through all levels of the primary and elementary learning experience.
For all those years he children have the same teacher, rather than moving from one person to another.
You can just imagine the bond that was formed there.
The teacher comes to know the child as if it were his or her own.
The child moves to a level of trust and love with the teacher which opens doors.
At the end of those years, the teacher reverts back to the first grade, starting over again with another group of children.
This model recognizes and announces that the human relationship, the bonding, and the love which is shared is just as important as any facts the teacher may impart to the child.

It is very inspirational, unfortunately, the tuition fees may not be affordable to many.

I would also like to share with you some excerpts from this book that I am reading:

Create the grandest version  of the greatest vision you had about yourselves as a human race.
Then take the values and concepts which undergirds such a vision and teach them in your schools.
Why not courses such as:
Understanding Power
Peaceful Conflict Resolution
Elements of Loving Relationship
Personhood and Self Creation
Body, Mind and Spirit: How they functon
Engaging Creativity
Celebrating Self, Valuing others
Fairness
Joyous Sexual Expression
Tolerance
Diversities and Similarities
Ethical Economics
Creative Consciousness and Mind Power
Awareness and Wakefulness
Honesty and Responsibility
Visibility and Transparency
Science and Spirituality
... in other words -- values-based curriculum and not just facts-based curriculum

Very insightful and inspiring things.
Wouldn't it be nice to have these concepts and practices embedded and incorporated into our public schooling, get funding from our state/govt?

thank you for allowing me to share =)

my journey in desiring to become the great parent to brandon and the great wife to my husband all comes down to becoming a better person spiritually, mentally, and physically.  this desire has attracted to my life wonderful people, events, articles, opportunities that contribute (and still do) to my personal growth. in other words, you have got to be the best you before you can become the best for everyone else.

Love always.  Always love.  With love, everything becomes easy.

Each one of us came from the same Source, same God, same powerful Spirit/Energy --- we are one.  Always remember that.

Ashley Ryan's - 7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment : Alternative to Punishment #2: Evaluate

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Alternative to Punishment #2: EVALUATE
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Don't react too fast when your child does something you don't
want them to be doing. Take a breath or a moment to "evaluate"
the situation.

You see... if you react too fast, you'll miss the underlying causes
to the bad behavior - but if take a moment to evaluate your child,
you'll discover the underlying causes of your child's behaviour,
which you may be able to solve relatively easily.

Many children make innocent mistakes that are interpreted as bad behavior.
Although our children always impress and surprise us at how quick they are
growing, and how intelligent they are, it's important to remember that they
are constantly learning. That's why young children go through a "why" stage,
when all they ask you is "why this" and "why that"...

Remember, it's our job as parents to provide them with the information
they need so that they don't make simple mistakes that cause unnecessary
stress. As you know, parenting is demanding enough as it is; the last
thing we need is a child who's unnecessarily defiant and problematic.

Here's an example of "evaluating": 

If your one year-old pours milk on the floor and you "punish" him, by shouting,
snapping, or getting upset, then you'll only end up with a confused, hurt and upset child.

You see, it would be silly to punish a one year-old for pouring milk on the floor
when he or she can't yet understand the concept of gravity, let alone know that they
shouldn't do that.

The truth about babies, toddlers and children,
is that most of the time they are simply
responding to their natural human instinct
to explore and define the world around them.

Exploration and learning is an instinctual drive for the human species...
which is why almost every human grows up with hobbies or interests...
even if our hobby ends up being TV,
what keeps our attention is a curiosity and a drive to learn things.

So what happens when a young child,
who is exploring their world,
has their curiosity punished?

Well, they begin to think and feel like the world is unsafe.

When a child no longer trusts his or her world as being a safe place to;
explore, play, and learn,
then the child becomes less confident and more fearful.

Also, when a child is punished without understanding why,
they become tense
because there is a loss of connection and security,
with their caregiver and protector; the parent.

This tension causes stress,
and interferes with the child's ability to think clearly and lovingly.

So How Do You "Evaluate" The Situation More Effectively?

We recommend giving your child the benefit of the doubt.
So whenever your child does something that upsets you,
first, assume that your child has done nothing wrong,
second, evaluate these two points;

1. How you could have prevented this situation?
2. What is the real reason for their behavior?

To understand the real cause of your child's behavior
refer to Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting
An Essential 7 Week Course for Busy Moms!

In the case of the one year old pouring milk on the floor;
you can first look at the situation like this:

"My child is young and it looks to me like she's doing an
experiment, she's clearly not out to upset me."

As any parent can attest, children often want to explore in ways
that can be stressful to us parents. Yet, children rarely have ill intent
towards us, unless they are "acting out" due to stress and unresolved
tension.

If you want to raise a self-competent and self-confident child, who is
genuinely happy, then your child needs to be taught that it's safe to explore.
Teach them that they are not wrong, nor bad, for exploring - even when
they make mistakes along the way... they can learn creative ways to fix
their mistakes or avoid them the next time, if they're giving the freedom
to explore and discover the limits of their world in a safe environment.

Remember... they're just doing what children do, enjoying themselves.

So, in a situation like the one above,
it's critical to take a step back
and evaluate the situation from a clear perspective.

Because it's when we react from emotion,
we often regret what we did or said later.

This emotional reaction is usually based on assumption instead of
the reality of our child's developmental needs and state of awareness.

As parents, we often assume our child is trying to make us upset,
and we react before we take a moment to look at the situation
from our child's state of being and perspective.

Remember, your child wants your love and approval above all else.

The currency of love and approval is attention.

So they may do things that trigger you in order to get your attention.

A clear evaluative stance 
can give you a better understanding
of what's really going on
and give you some time to *think*...

...before you react.

Be mindful, small children do not have a lot of information.
They are brand new and just starting out in the world.

It's your job as the loving parent to provide them with
the information they need, appropriate to their age level.

Going back to the one-year old milk-spiller...
if this was your child, trying to explain the concept of gravity to them
is useless -They won't understand what you're talking about, and they
are so young that they can't remember not to do it again based on the explanation.

A preferred course of action would be
to set them up in the bathtub, sink, or outside
with a bowl filled with water. So they can
explore the joys of liquid and gravity in an
environment where they have more freedom
to make a mess in their exploration.

This takes us back to PREVENTION - the First Effective
Alternative to Punishment that we introduced to you last week.

If you're inspired, you can provide your young one with simple
information from the start. If your baby pours milk on the floor you
can say something along the lines of:

"Oh, it looks like that's interesting for you...
How about I set this up in the sink, as I don't
want to clean up the mess of spilt milk again."
Then you can give your child a nice bath with a plastic cup for them to
play with dumping water out in the tub, instead of making a mess that
just gives you more work to do.

So, if you're tempted to punish your child, stop yourself
and first evaluate the situation...

Second be empathetic, put yourself in your child's shoes
and figure out what the real reason for your child's misbehavior is.

Thirdly, if your child is quite young, keep in mind that everything is new to your little one.
Remember that your child is just a child,
even though at times it feels like they are manipulative know-it-all's,
they are in fact very young and innocent to the world, and they will
model your example because what they want more than anything is your love and attention.

Try this the next time your child does something that upsets you...

Stop and don't do anything at all.

Don't say anything.

Don't move.

Just be there for a moment...

...and evaluate.

Ask yourself if you really think your child is trying to hurt or upset you.
Then from a place of clarity, consciously choose not to punish.

Practice this as much as you can over the course of the week.

Evaluating and empathizing instead of punishing.

If you feel that it's difficult, that's okay, it's part of the process.

NEXT - In 7 Days you'll receive 'Part 3' of
the "7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment" series.

Next week you'll learn...

* How asking one simple question can
dramatically increase your child's cooperation.
* One critical mistake most parents make
in trying to stop naughty behavior.
* The truth about toddlers and what you can expect
from your child's age group. (This is critical, as
different ages need to be treated accordingly.)
* How what you say is JUST as important as
how you say it, if you want your little one to listen.

Remember, connect with me on facebook if you have questions...

Love,

Busy Mom Ashley
Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting
An Essential 7 Week Course for Busy Moms!

Follow Us on...
Pinterest
Facebook

P.S. If you haven't already you may want to check this powerful audio: Stop anger, defiance and tantrums, and learn to build your child's healthy self-esteemClick Here. 

I manifested THREE things this month --- things that I have been wishing for and did not have any idea how they are going to happen --- but they did.  So guys, hold on to your dreams, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find~.

Quiet Time in Schools

very inspiring article i found about meditation in schools called Quiet Time

http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/openforum/article/Meditation-transforms-roughest-San-Francisco-5136942.php

At first glance, Quiet Time - a stress reduction strategy used in several San Francisco middle and high schools, as well as in scattered schools around the Bay Area - looks like something out of the om-chanting 1960s. Twice daily, a gong sounds in the classroom and rowdy adolescents, who normally can't sit still for 10 seconds, shut their eyes and try to clear their minds. I've spent lots of time in urban schools and have never seen anything like it.

This practice - meditation rebranded - deserves serious attention from parents and policymakers. An impressive array of studies shows that integrating meditation into a school's daily routine can markedly improve the lives of students. If San Francisco schools Superintendent Richard Carranza has his way, Quiet Time could well spread citywide.

What's happening at Visitacion Valley Middle School, which in 2007 became the first public school nationwide to adopt the program, shows why the superintendent is so enthusiastic. In this neighborhood, gunfire is as common as birdsong - nine shootings have been recorded in the past month - and most students know someone who's been shot or did the shooting. Murders are so frequent that the school employs a full-time grief counselor.

In years past, these students were largely out of control, frequently fighting in the corridors, scrawling graffiti on the walls and cursing their teachers. Absenteeism rates were among the city's highest and so were suspensions. Worn-down teachers routinely called in sick.

Unsurprisingly, academics suffered. The school tried everything, from counseling and peer support to after-school tutoring and sports, but to disappointingly little effect.

Now these students are doing light-years better. In the first year of Quiet Time, the number of suspensions fell by 45 percent. Within four years, the suspension rate was among the lowest in the city. Daily attendance rates climbed to 98 percent, well above the citywide average. Grade point averages improved markedly. About 20 percent of graduates are admitted to Lowell High School - before Quiet Time, getting any students into this elite high school was a rarity. Remarkably, in the annual California Healthy Kids Survey, these middle school youngsters recorded the highest happiness levels in San Francisco.

Reports are similarly positive in the three other schools that have adopted Quiet Time. AtBurton High School, for instance, students in the program report significantly less stress and depression, and greater self-esteem, than nonparticipants. With stress levels down, achievement has markedly improved, particularly among students who have been doing worst academically. Grades rose dramatically, compared with those who weren't in the program.

On the California Achievement Test, twice as many students in Quiet Time schools have become proficient in English, compared with students in similar schools where the program doesn't exist, and the gap is even bigger in math. Teachers report they're less emotionally exhausted and more resilient.

"The research is showing big effects on students' performance," says Superintendent Carranza. "Our new accountability standards, which we're developing in tandem with the other big California districts, emphasize the importance of social-emotional factors in improving kids' lives, not just academics. That's where Quiet Time can have a major impact, and I'd like to see it expand well beyond a handful of schools."

While Quiet Time is no panacea, it's a game-changer for many students who otherwise might have become dropouts. That's reason enough to make meditation a school staple, and not just in San Francisco.

David L. Kirp, a professor of public policy at UC Berkeley, is the author of "Improbable Scholars: The Rebirth of a Great American School District and a Strategy for America's Schools."

i am so hyped about this book I am reading - Conversations with God book 2 - (orderd #2 by mistake) -- and I want to share a few points that hit home for me:

- feelings is how your higher self communicate with you; but what happens is we often mistake our thoughts masquerading as feelings as our TRUE feelings; true feelings are associated with our soul and always aligned with love; negative feelings are negative thoughts disguised as feelings

- if i really really want to use the law of attraction to my advantage, i need to stop "wanting" things because the univeres will give me more things that will make me "want" which really is a state of not having what you want; so i just need to imagine what i want and feel that I have it and use words like "i'd love to have"  which is a better feeling statement

Ashley Ryan's - 7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment : Alternative to Punishment #1: Prevention

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Alternative to Punishment #1: Prevention
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As the old saying goes;
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."

That's why "child-proofing your life" is as important
as "baby-proofing your space."

As a parent, I'm sure you've had moments when
you "foresaw" a disaster that was about to occur.
And if we take a moment to think about it,
we can usually foresee other recipes for disasters.

Taking proactive steps to "prevent" these
unecessary stresses in your life, and the
life of your child, will make a big difference
in reducing the upsets in your family.

There are simple ways to use "Prevention."

If you know your child is going to get into the
cookies, put them where he can't reach
or find them. If giving your child a sweet
dessert at night makes her stay up too late,
then change your desserts habits.
If you don't want your child getting
onto your computer, then don't make your
computer so accessible for them; shut the door
to your home office, or put the computer
out of sight.

Planning ahead will save you SO MUCH
time and energy. You'll avoid cleaning up
unnecessary messes. And you'll avoid
unecessary upsets and needless stressing out.

Prevention is the perfect companion to
Cultivating Non-Reaction. (Cultivating Non-Reaction
is covered in detail in my course:
Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting)

Because often times, kids simply react to the
environment you "set up" for them,
you can "set up" the day to go smoothly,
or be a chaotic mess.

If you set up an environment where
your children spend hours zoning out
on TV every day, then they will react by
enacting the behaviors they see on TV
and by becoming more passive in life
and less ambitious.

Especially if your children are similar in age,
you'll want to child proof your house so there
are duplicates of the same toys.

By having duplicates for multiple children,
then there is less room for fighting over things.
They'll be less issues with "sharing," because
there will be two toys that are exactly the same.
Even the same colour — so there is no issue
of colour either.

When you make sure each child has the same
toy; color, shape, type, everything, then you'll be
preventing a good portion of sibling rivalry.

Exercise in Prevention:

1. Tuck away anything that poses a possible
hazard for your little one. Books, CD's,
Aunt Ida's crystal vase, anything that you
don't want them touching or getting into.
Remember, this will reduce the likelihood
of you losing your "cool" tenfold.

2. Next, do the same for anything that may
make a mess ... just put it out of reach.

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time for bed ~ remember to make it your goal to read/learn something inspirational everyday, and share it with others. apart from taking care of our bodies, we also need to take care of our soul/mind/spirit. we are able to do this by continuously working on personal growth and doing things that make this world a better place

Sending you so much love ~