Alternative to Punishment #2: EVALUATE
want them to be doing. Take a breath or a moment to "evaluate"
to the bad behavior - but if take a moment to evaluate your child,
you'll discover the underlying causes of your child's behaviour,
which you may be able to solve relatively easily.
Although our children always impress and surprise us at how quick they are
growing, and how intelligent they are, it's important to remember that they
are constantly learning. That's why young children go through a "why" stage,
when all they ask you is "why this" and "why that"...
they need so that they don't make simple mistakes that cause unnecessary
stress. As you know, parenting is demanding enough as it is; the last
thing we need is a child who's unnecessarily defiant and problematic.
If your one year-old pours milk on the floor and you "punish" him, by shouting,
snapping, or getting upset, then you'll only end up with a confused, hurt and upset child.
You see, it would be silly to punish a one year-old for pouring milk on the floor
when he or she can't yet understand the concept of gravity, let alone know that they
shouldn't do that.
is that most of the time they are simply
responding to their natural human instinct
to explore and define the world around them.
which is why almost every human grows up with hobbies or interests...
even if our hobby ends up being TV,
what keeps our attention is a curiosity and a drive to learn things.
who is exploring their world,
has their curiosity punished?
Well, they begin to think and feel like the world is unsafe.
explore, play, and learn,
then the child becomes less confident and more fearful.
they become tense
because there is a loss of connection and security,
with their caregiver and protector; the parent.
This tension causes stress,
and interferes with the child's ability to think clearly and lovingly.
So whenever your child does something that upsets you,
first, assume that your child has done nothing wrong,
second, evaluate these two points;
2. What is the real reason for their behavior?
refer to Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting
An Essential 7 Week Course for Busy Moms!
you can first look at the situation like this:
experiment, she's clearly not out to upset me."
that can be stressful to us parents. Yet, children rarely have ill intent
towards us, unless they are "acting out" due to stress and unresolved
genuinely happy, then your child needs to be taught that it's safe to explore.
Teach them that they are not wrong, nor bad, for exploring - even when
they make mistakes along the way... they can learn creative ways to fix
their mistakes or avoid them the next time, if they're giving the freedom
to explore and discover the limits of their world in a safe environment.
it's critical to take a step back
and evaluate the situation from a clear perspective.
we often regret what we did or said later.
This emotional reaction is usually based on assumption instead of
the reality of our child's developmental needs and state of awareness.
and we react before we take a moment to look at the situation
from our child's state of being and perspective.
can give you a better understanding
of what's really going on
and give you some time to *think*...
They are brand new and just starting out in the world.
the information they need, appropriate to their age level.
if this was your child, trying to explain the concept of gravity to them
is useless -They won't understand what you're talking about, and they
are so young that they can't remember not to do it again based on the explanation.
to set them up in the bathtub, sink, or outside
with a bowl filled with water. So they can
explore the joys of liquid and gravity in an
environment where they have more freedom
to make a mess in their exploration.
Alternative to Punishment that we introduced to you last week.
If you're inspired, you can provide your young one with simple
information from the start. If your baby pours milk on the floor you
can say something along the lines of:
How about I set this up in the sink, as I don't
want to clean up the mess of spilt milk again."
Then you can give your child a nice bath with a plastic cup for them to
play with dumping water out in the tub, instead of making a mess that
just gives you more work to do.
and first evaluate the situation...
and figure out what the real reason for your child's misbehavior is.
Remember that your child is just a child,
even though at times it feels like they are manipulative know-it-all's,
they are in fact very young and innocent to the world, and they will
model your example because what they want more than anything is your love and attention.
Stop and don't do anything at all.
Then from a place of clarity, consciously choose not to punish.
Evaluating and empathizing instead of punishing.
the "7 Effective Alternatives to Punishment" series.
* How asking one simple question can
dramatically increase your child's cooperation.
* One critical mistake most parents make
in trying to stop naughty behavior.
* The truth about toddlers and what you can expect
from your child's age group. (This is critical, as
different ages need to be treated accordingly.)
* How what you say is JUST as important as
how you say it, if you want your little one to listen.
Remember, connect with me on facebook if you have questions...
Busy Mom Ashley
Busy Moms Guide to Awesome Parenting
An Essential 7 Week Course for Busy Moms!
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P.S. If you haven't already you may want to check this powerful audio: Stop anger, defiance and tantrums, and learn to build your child's healthy self-esteemClick Here.